I am a reluctant bride.
That is not a statement about my desire to marry Justin, it is a statement about being a "bride". When Justin and I were still thinking that we would get married in Baltimore I walked out of a couple of potential reception locations after hearing the words, "...and this is where the bride will get dressed. We don't have a space for the groom, but that doesn't matter because it's really just about you anyway."
Actually, not to be pedantic about it, but the event that we are potentially spending thousands of dollars for the privilege of hosting on your property is a WEDDING. That's a celebration of two people bringing together their family and friends to celebrate their love and committment and desire to MARRY. It is not simply an opportunity for the bride to don a poofy white dress and twirl around and be admired by all. I mean, there's some of that inherent in the day, but people. People. It's about more than that. Needless to say, I am not the bride they are catering to.
When I bought my first wedding magazines I was honestly more embarrased than if it had been a pile of porn, and I gladly took the plain paper bag that was offered and high-tailed it home, so that I could look through them while safely tucked away on my couch. I looked through all 700 glossy, smelly pages and while there were a few things that looked nice, it all looked kind of...
...the same...
White dress, check.
Enormous diamonds, check.
Matchy colors and favors, check.
Some pretty flowers, check.
A well matched groom, check.
In that order.
The more I looked at the wedding ideal, the more I felt that the way to make this day ours was not to try and personalize things by having a certain type of ribbon tied around the jordan almonds, but to just plan this as any other party that we would host. In which case the order would be:
Good friends
Fantastic food
Plenty of booze
Fun music
Lots of pictures
And in case I haven't mentioned this before: I love to throw parties. Granted, it's a bigger party with a lot more logistical detail than I have planned in the past, but I figure if we hit the things on that list everyone will be happy. For good measure, we'll also try to throw in a few extras, but those are the basics on which I'm going to spend the most time.
That, and finding the perfect shoes.
That's the kind of wedding my husband and I had - good food, booze, music and friends/family. The ceremony lasted 6 minutes. My aunt helped with the planning and one day she asked me about table centerpieces. Aaron and I had the same reaction: "We have to have tables???" We had thought of everyone gathering around for quick I-DOs and then milling about the lawn for the party. Heh.
The worst part about planning a wedding is that everyone has their own ideas about MUST HAVES. They all say, "Do whatever you want BUT WHATEVER YOU DO, blah blah blah..." At least that was my experience. It's your wedding so you should do what makes you happy. No one will remember things like centerpieces anyway.
Posted by: Elinor | February 17, 2007 at 11:03 PM
Your thoughts are exactly right--what a wedding means and symbolizes seems too often to take a second seat too this stiff and expensive idea of what a wedding must entail. Do what you want and what makes you happy. Focus on the commitment you are making and everything else will flow from there.
Posted by: Erin | February 19, 2007 at 11:34 AM